Judge Comments - Round Three by fancylances, literature
Literature
Judge Comments - Round Three
LotusLeif VS legolass1119 5 - 0
LotusLeif:
I've never seen an entry that starts out with the contestant dying (or near-dying, anyway). That's intense. I like how you're using the other characters, the ones that you no longer have an obligation to use. They have stories, too, and its good of you to help get those out. Mitte's injuries are a little confusingly written- I mean, how bad is it that he can be all stitched up, complaining about walking, and then run off alone? But overall, that's really a minor point.
I'm enjoying reading these two plot threads and following them along. Your entries keep the energy up, which is good at this point
Judge Comments - Round Two by fancylances, literature
Literature
Judge Comments - Round Two
Umbrascitor VS Ro9ge & dogmancody (3 - 0 by forfeit)
comments - Umbrascitor
I'm torn. I really love the way you write. I love the way you take Diesel City and run with it. I love your ambience and how well you capture not only your opponents' characters, but also just the feel for the world they come from. BUT. And this is a really big But. I feel as if you've taken the story over. You've made your characters (Abacus is especially guilty of this) the main or only focus of the world around them. And I feel as if this is a little conceited. Inserting characters in an OCT world for the sake of the OCT is fun and all, but when you make as if th
Patron Round 2- Versus Rubble Rouser by legolass1119, literature
Literature
Patron Round 2- Versus Rubble Rouser
-A Worm in the Apple-
The moment Lewis opened his eyes he found himself to be nowhere. Or, at least what he assumed to be nowhere. There was nothing in sight for miles but an expanse of black, devoid of any life save him. No light, yet he could see himself perfectly fine. Curious, he took a few steps, the sound producing loud echoes that bounced endlessly off of invisible walls. He looked down, noticing that he was in his superhero outfit. Strange, last he checked he'd been wearing pajamas. Confused, he looked up again and turned in a circle, keeping his eyes open for anything to break the constant scenery of black. But there was nothing.
H
Judge Comments - Round One by fancylances, literature
Literature
Judge Comments - Round One
ROUND ONE JUDGE COMMENTS
Leohan VS LadybugScribbles & RC0022 (3 - 0)
Leohan:
Overall, your entry felt to me like it was written as if a series of observations. You mostly told us what was happening as opposed to showing us. It kind of took this structure akin to "this is what's happening and why" or "this is how the character feels and why", when you don't really need to explain everything so matter-of-factly.
Again, like in your audition, I couldn't really get a feel of the setting.
You made a really interesting, colorful antagonist for your round, but I'm not quite convinced you utilized him as much as you could have. I didn't really u